The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is a reality show that follows a group of Mormon influencers who came together to create content on social media in 2021 and 2022, forming a community known as MomTok.
As her fame rose, so did her scandals. Taylor Frankie Paul, the creator of MomTok, went viral in May 2022 when She opened up in a video about participating in “soft swinging,” which she defined as “when you just get hooked but don’t go all the way.” She said it was practiced by others in her group of friends and their husbands, but added that “most of MomTok is not involved,” though she never shared the names of the other alleged participants.
The series picks up after Paul's arrest in February 2023 on charges including assault and domestic violence in the presence of a child.
“It was obviously one of the worst nights of my life,” he said. He told the New York Post In a recent interview, she said: “But for me, it changed our relationship because I finally got help.”
After the first episode, the show expands its focus to the broader MomTok group: influencers Demi Engemann, Jennifer Affleck, Jessi Ngatikaura, Layla Taylor, Mayci Neeley, Mikayla Mathews, and Whitney Leavitt.
Leavitt briefly experienced an internet scandal in December 2021 when she posted a video of herself doing a viral dance on TikTok alongside her newborn son while explaining that she was recovering from RSV. On the show, she is confronted about it.
Yahoo Entertainment spoke with the eight stars of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives about transitioning from social media to reality TV fame, how they've become the breadwinners for their families, and what people misunderstand about Mormonism.
This interview has been edited for brevity and clarity.
What was your relationship with social media like before joining MomTok?
Mayci Neeley: We all had our own platforms, we had our own Instagrams, TikToks, and maybe we made some YouTube shorts. Most of us already had a platform, so MomTok was an additional opportunity to do collaborations and get more views to our pages.
Demi Engemann: I have been in the social media world for almost 12 years, either in front of the camera or helping brands build their social media pages.
Layla Taylor: I started using social media around the same time MomTok started, maybe a couple months before Taylor. [Frankie Paul] He invited me to film on one of the first “content days.”
Jennifer Affleck: I joined MomTok about a year ago and have only been posting on social media for three years. Before MomTok, I was pretty isolated and doing my own thing. With MomTok, everything has become so much bigger. I feel like I'm part of something bigger than myself.
Jessi Ngatikaura: I have a hairdressing business and that's why I started my social media. With MomTok, everything became more fun, like an extracurricular activity.
What has it been like to let a reality show crew into your life?
Whitney Leavitt: It was a little overwhelming, but exciting at times. We were pressured to have conversations we wouldn't normally have. It wasn't planned either. [the crew] It would be something like, “Let's go right now!” Then you would be in a hurry to clean your house so it wouldn't be a mess.
Engeman: Surreal, for sure. I had no expectations about it. I tried to do it with an open mind because every reality show is different.
Taylor: I've had an amazing experience. It's great working with our crew members and producers. I miss them all. They're like our second family.
Goldfish: When the crew left, my son wondered, “Where are all my friends? Where have they gone?”
Engeman: We felt like we were filming a home video that no one would ever see, so it's crazy that it all came to life.
Mikayla Mathews: There were days where I thought, “I'm so funny! This is so fun!”, but then there were days where things were a little scarier. However, since we all have social media as a background, it was a smooth transition for most of us.
Affleck: I definitely feel like the camera has an effect on people. It magnifies emotions and personalities, especially in this group. We all have very strong personalities, so sometimes that can cause problems.
Matthew: I often thought, “Why do I feel like I’m about to cry right now? I would never cry over this.” Suddenly, my emotions intensified.
Taylor Frankie Paul: I'm a pretty open book. I share a lot of things. This was different because we weren't the ones editing it. However, it brought out a different side of me, one that's softer and more vulnerable. I'm tougher online.
Whitney, how did it feel when your past social media controversy (that TikTok dance in the hospital) was brought up on the show?
Leavitt: I didn't know it was going to be mentioned. Demi [Engemann] I was the one who decided that. No one else in the group would have done it because they knew how traumatic it was for me at the time.
Do you feel more comfortable talking about it now?
Leavitt: Definitely. That was almost three years ago, so I've had a lot of time to process it. When it was mentioned [during the show]It was very inappropriate. But at the time I made the video, I had [MomTok as] A support group. We didn't talk about it, but I knew that everyone knew and wanted me to be a part of their videos and have me as a friend.
Do you feel that being Mormon has had an impact on your career as an influencer or now as a reality TV personality?
Neeley: At first, I don't think I talked about religion much on social media unless people asked me or they saw pictures of my wedding, because the Mormon Temple was in the background. Now I laugh at myself for getting pregnant at BYU as a Mormon.
Engeman: There are some things that some girls don't participate in. We all have different values.
Matthew: I haven't been active in the church for almost 10 years, but I know it's different for everyone in their personal faith journey.
Affleck: It's been very interesting for me because I love religion. I'm a part of it, I believe in it, and it's everything to me. My relationship with God is my focus. Being on a platform where a lot of people see you, especially church members, has been difficult for me because I'm constantly thinking, “What does it mean to be a good Mormon? Do I have to behave this way? Can't I dance this way? How do I have to dress?” Being a part of this program made me realize that being a good member isn't about how others see you. It's about whether or not you're a good person.
Goldfish: It's a religion that people outside don't know much about and I think that's fascinating. It's polarizing: people either love it or hate it. I think it can help us, but sometimes it hurts us because people are so judgmental about the title of our program.
Pablo: That's why MomTok blew up: we were Mormon girls who didn't do Mormon things.
Are there any misconceptions about Mormonism that you wish you could clear up?
Leavitt: First of all, we are not polygamous. Secondly, we can have caffeine, but we are advised to avoid tea and coffee.
Engeman: We understand everything. You name it, we understand it. We recently went to this project and when we got there they said, “Wait, we thought you guys wore bonnets and pioneer dresses and whipped butter?”
Taylor: People take certain things for granted based on the information they've gathered over their lifetime, but I think they'll be pleasantly surprised to find that we don't do all of those things. Not everyone wears clothes. Unfortunately, soaking is a common practice.
Engeman: I have never participated in that.
Taylor: I don't get wet, I just have sex.
Engeman: There are many extremes in religion and it's great to see that there is a whole spectrum of beliefs.
Affleck: I drink caffeine and too much of it.
Matthew: People always say, “Oh, you’re so normal!” It’s like they think Mormons are aliens.
Goldfish: I think one of the biggest misconceptions is that Mormons are confined and restricted. People think we don't have phones or internet and we have to wear turtlenecks every day. We're showing that Mormons can be normal, cool people.
Many women on the show talk about how, as influencers, they are the breadwinners for their families. What does it mean to you to be the breadwinner for your family?
Affleck: It's been an empowering experience, especially for someone who didn't graduate from college or have all the credentials in the world. For God's sake, I'm dancing on my counters, but for everyone it's different. If it's about paying the bills, it's about paying the bills. My intention was to be able to support my husband while I was in medical school, and then support my parents. My goal is to be able to tell my kids that you really can do it if you really want to, and you can do it all by yourself, even if that looks different than you expected.
What do you hope people take away from the show?
Neeley: We're all mothers, we're all earners, and most of us are breadwinners, so I hope this is an inspiration to women who grew up in a more traditional household. Hopefully people can find someone in the cast that they can relate to and learn from. The point of this is to empower people.
Engeman: For a long time, we have pitted women against each other. “Who wore it better? Who is dating whom? Who stole whose husband?” and so on. [positioning] That creates a natural divide. I want us to swing the pendulum back to see that women need other women.
Affleck: I hope everyone can hear our story and learn from it, rather than having preconceived ideas about what Mormons are supposed to be like. I hope everyone can see us for who we are and get religion out of the way, and feel comfortable enough to share their stories about what has made them ashamed or guilty in the church.
Matthew: Hopefully people will see it and feel like we are their friends and like they are one of the MomTok girls.
The eight episodes of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives Now streaming on Hulu.
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